“I got so baked i walked into a store and forgot what I was there for, then remembered and still grabbed the wrong item!”

“Have you ever been so stoned you forgot how to burp?”

“I was at a party and my wife was trying to ask a cop if he could find me some weed” (true story)

“When I am stoned my attention span is only 60 seconds at a time!”

“Have you ever been so baked that you forgot how to read?”

“Do you think that we are in simulation mode?”

“HAVE you ever looked at your phone and wondered if someone is listening and seeing you with the phone off?”

“bong hits are better!”

“Great buzz when you look into a mirror and look at yourself and it feels like you are having an out of body experience!”

“Do you talk to yourself when you are high?”

“STONERS ARE THE BEST!”

“WHEN LIFE GETS HARD AND THING GET TRAGIC, SMOKE A BLUNT, IT’s F*ING MAGIC”

“Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money’s worth. Just saying”

“There is no place like home. To get stoned”

“CAN YOU SMOKE SO MUCH THAT YOU START TO FEEL THAT THE HIGH IS THE NEW NORMAL”

“When you are high you don’t think slow, you think in more detail!”